Communication difficulties generally arise when two people do not mean exactly the same thing by the language they are using. The person who says “I’ll only be a little while” may mean she’ll be gone an hour, but the person who hears the phrase may expect her to take 10 minutes. The disparity can lead to confusions, misunderstandings, disagreements, and stress in any relationship.

People also have communication difficulties when one person does not disclose an important piece of information to his partner. Sometimes people withhold information accidentally, or because they do not think it is important. Sometimes they withhold information because they want to protect someone else from painful knowledge. And sometimes they withhold information to protect themselves, because they know something they are afraid to tell, or are ashamed of, or want to keep secret for some other reason. Whatever the reason might be, however, information that is withheld can also lead to confusions, misunderstandings, disagreements, and relationship stress.

When small difficulties are not resolved in relationships they frequently lead to unhappiness, arguments, and fights. Sometimes they lead to compartmentalized relationships that can never be quite complete, and sometimes they lead to relationships breaking up.

Every individual has a right to emotional and physical privacy in even the most intimate relationship: there are times everyone wants to close the door and get away from others. But when one person’s need for privacy compromises relationship intimacy, the individual who wants the privacy may have to choose between protecting the privacy of his individual life and preserving the intimacy of his relationship. No one can make that choice for anyone else, but learning the values of clear and honest communication – and learning the costs of unclear or incomplete communication – can help many people learn to make their choices in satisfactory ways.