A compromised or an unsatisfactory sex life with a partner is one of the most common complaints couples bring to counseling. Occasionally sexual dissatisfaction results from a medical problem with one or both partners. This possibility should be addressed by a urologist or a specialist in sexual medicine, though it is generally wise to ask your internist or family doctor for a full physical exam first: some non-sexual medical problems can have sexual consequences, and many medications or combinations of medications can adversely affect sexual desire and performance.

If both partners in a sexual union are physically well and their sex life is unsatisfactory to either person, the partnership may have some problems with communication and/or intimacy, or one or both partners may have brought unresolved individual issues to the relationship, or the two people may simply want different things, which is the very definition of desire discrepancy.

Communication problems can often be solved fairly easily, if both partners are willing to learn and practice communication skills together. Intimacy problems may require more attention. Then progress depends on the extent to which trust has been damaged in the partnership, as well as the capacity each partner has for intimacy with the other.

Because no one is an exact match for anyone else, some degree of desire discrepancy is common in almost any long-term relationship. But the successful resolution of discrepancies usually depends on the ability and willingness of both partners to use their skills in communicating and trusting to find satisfaction in compromise. The compromise negotiation is frequently an important aspect of couples counseling.