Polyamory literally means loving multiple people. Of course, we all love many people – our parents, children, and friends, for example, as well as our husbands, wives, partners, and lovers. But as the term is used among people who practice it, polyamory means being openly and consensually involved in more than one romantic and/or erotic relationship at the same time, while extending the same prerogative to their partner(s).

The best-known form of polyamory is exemplified by whole cultures that are polygamous, in which people of any sex may have multiple souses. Some societies are specifically polyandrous, which means their heterosexual women may have multiple male partners, and others are specifically polygynist, which means their heterosexual men may have multiple female partners.

In our society one form of polyamory is practiced among “swingers,” who sometimes exchange sexual mates for short or long periods of time. Another is practiced in the BDSM communities, though usually for the purposes of SM play and not for sexual or romantic ends.

Among some people polyamory is practiced for itself alone, with other consenting adults who also enjoy the variety in their love and sex lives that is satisfied by having multiple partners. Some “poly” people are strictly heterosexual, some are strictly homosexual, and some, who enjoy romantic or erotic partners of more than one sort, are bisexual or pansexual.

People exploring poly sometimes imagine that a poly lifestyle might be easier than a monogamous lifestyle because it seems to be so much simpler to reduce feelings of anxiety or stress when they arise, just by changing beds or even homes. I have seen poly relationships succeed quite well, but they take more work, not less, than monogamy, and require both excellent communication among all partners, and the ability to be deeply intimate with multiple people at once. Communication and intimacy of this sort are the hard parts, and the aspects on which poly relationships thrive or die. There may well be more pleasure and variety in poly than in monogamy for some people, but those pleasures do not come free.